I officially finished my 3rd year of college on Wednesday. It was very bittersweet. I’ve decided to transfer colleges for my final year of college. Despite the heartache I face now, I know this is the best decision for me.
For the last two school years, I’ve been an elementary education major. Following my first semester in education, I knew it wasn’t for me. Despite being a passionate learner, I hated school. It took a lot out of me mentally to pursue something my heart was not in to. Still I pushed through, determined to finish. I longed to finish school, but dreaded becoming a public school teacher. I felt no relief or comfort the closer I got to graduation.
I poured myself into gardening for a sense of comfort. I kept wishing their was a way for me to pursue that love somehow. Whenever I got the chance, I let that love shine through, through self-designed papers and projects. However, I was simply in the wrong major for anyone to share in that love.
This made my heart hurt more. My heart was being torn in two.
For 2 years I prayed for comfort and a solution. Then this last February, I decided to look into transferring. I continued to pray. It wasn’t looking hopeful. In order to stay in elementary education at this other school, I would need to go another 2 1/2 years. This was not possible. I prayed some more and poured myself into the things I did love.
Then 2-3 weeks ago, something clicked. I saw the finish line. I found a way to get out of my education track and finish my bachelor’s degree with minors in things I am passionate about. Even though I don’t have all the answers I still feel excited about what is to come. I know that comfort, that peace that overwhelmed me when I saw the finish line, meant I was making the right decision.
If you know me, you know I push myself hard. I knit pick every project before I turn it in, scouring over every detail. This trait is nearly lethal. My expectations are high, failure simply isn’t an option. For years, I struggled with taking a chance on myself, for fear of failure. Even though my outlook towards gardening is the exact opposite.
Failure is simply the opportunity to try again.
While this path is not has clear cut as getting a degree in elementary education, I know that I will trust myself and God to lead me through the chaos.
Above is a collage of the a rose blooming. It took days, but when it finally opened, my breath was taken away. Things that are worth while take time. The process to reaching our dreams takes time. I must trust the process.
Ephesians 3: 20 “Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us.”
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Eager Gardener 